Supreme Council of Humor for the Glorious Iranian Revolution: President Ahmadinejad’s private joke file

“Let me tell a joke here. I think the politicians who are after atomic bombs, or testing them, making them, politically they are…retarded.” – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, speaking at Columbia University.

More from Mahmoud’s repertoire of jokes:

“Why did the Iranian homosexual cross the street? Trick question! There are no homosexuals in Iran. If you really must know, though, they were trying to outrun their executioners.”

“What did the dissident say when the Supreme Leader mandated laws banning free speech? Nothing! We tortured him!”

“I think the word ‘duty’ sounds pretty funny.”

“A rabbi, I, and the Supreme Leader walk into a bar. Then the Supreme Leader and I kill the rabbi. It’s hilarious!”


“Really, if you want to know why I want to wipe Israel off the map, it’s because the Jews…they are…retarded. These are the same people who think the Holocaust was real! Haha!”

“I like hot women, free booze, and fast cars. Psych! I am–how do you say?–kidding! I don’t drink and I beat women in public. But I do like fast cars.”

“Let me tell you a joke here: In Iran, people take me seriously.”